‘boiled bananas. it’s like if someone gave you pie. and then peed on it.’
‘can scratch getting clipped by a motorcycle off my peace corps bucket list’
‘ermergerd. raining walruses and windigoes in trawas right now. shit might banjir’
‘my body is really not delicious today’
‘momma needs a new vogue to read!’
‘whaaaaaaat? *grabbyhands*’
‘man, i did laundry, went to the bank, and bought supplies today. like a m-f’in ADULT. give me more errands!’
‘i just finished calling him a coward for wearing a jacket tonight’
‘well just had to cut my underarm hair w scissors bc it was so long’
‘oh my god. i am looking at a monkey on a leash who is riding a tiny toy motorcycle. and he’s wearing a blue biker outfit.’
‘my new host brother is the tiniest human i’ve ever seen’
‘this dangdut video was made in 2012. there’s a keytar. what the what?’
‘i just saw a sign that said ‘cat oven’. it made me giggle.’
‘yum. you eat the sneezed out pieces?’
‘close call this morning. almost had a shitasterfi on my run! mondays are full of surprises.’
‘sequence jilbab, i want!’
‘so my family bought a big bottle of skin lotion. and the brand name is…PLACENTA’
‘that moment when you think: i really need to tape my nipples’
‘my counterpart just said she likes the way hairy belly looks. she meant halle berry’
‘my host mom recently bought sausages. and now she’s putting it in everything. sausage spinach, sausage noodles, sausage fried rice’
‘i was just salimed by an infants mouth no more than seconds after it finished drinking its mommas milk. it was not good.’
‘confession: i just flushed a bad boiled egg down the toilet cuz i didn’t know where else to dispose of it where my host family wouldn’t see that i threw out food.’
‘3:30… how’re you holding up? I’m sitting here watching the rabbits eat, and it’s tough enough.’
‘jay just used the verb ‘bergetyourshittogether’ genuis..in response to my use of ‘berwaffling’ which is, of course, Belgian.’
‘you should see what i’m doin’ right meow. peanut butter on one cracker, nutella on another, AND PUTTIN’ THAT SHIT TOGETHER’
‘…i just stepped in baby vomit in a show of solidarity’
an example of why i go through pulsa so fast… amusingly.. fast.
J: i’m reading your memorable texts page, i’ve realized that i say stupid things with my thumbs on a far too regular basis
Me: heh, you do have impulsive thumbs, my dear, i think you can find a cream for that
J:EDITH WHERE’S MAH THUMB CREAM?!
Me: they ran out, cletus! too many people with impulsive thumbs these days. there’s an impulsive thumbs anonymous club!
J: hi, my name is cletus and i have impulsive thumbs. it hurts my friends and family when i talk about mailboxes named craig.
Me: okay and cletus, please elaborate. who is craig and why are you angry at a mailbox?
J: i’m angry because CRAIG KEEPS EATING MY MAIL! and also he slept with my wife.
“balming kevin sounds like a euphemism for something diiiirty”
“also, i just saw an axis commercial featuring Cak Norris”
“bumpin’ sekali”
“no, but i am a Beleiber. if it’s raining frogs, obvs the world is ending”
“there’s a kitty sleepin’ next to my chair like she owns the place. it’s cute central up in this place” a few moments later… “aaaaand sleepy kitty just wolfed down an unlucky cicak. slightly less cute up in this piece”
“that sounds hella fun. only thing i did today was eat goat face” …. “incidentally my hip-hop personna in college was Goatface Eata”
“i’ve been called mister, i’ve been called miss, i’ve been called misses. but it wasn’t until today i was called mistress.”
___
“i might have just found something to compete with your school’s ridiculousness. we just cancelled class, so students can watch teachers test drive new motorcycles. it’s like watching an overweight miss america pageant on wheels.’
“a teacher at my school said he and i were alike today because we both like to climb mountains, but he prefers ‘gunung susu’.”
“so when i came in this morning, a shaft of bamboo with a pointy metal thing on the end was sitting next to the sports equipment closet. Is it really wise to teach these kids javalin?”
“also, there’s a dead cicak eyeballing me from my windowsill. it’s freakin’ me out”
“…oh and just cleaned up bat poo…”
“just saw a commercial for a show called ‘dangduterz’. that name sounds like either some horrific sex act or a brand of diapers”
“almost forgot-reason #76 to never eat bakso: i met a smp teacher and her fam today for bakso. had to watch her chew and regurgitate bakso so her pre-school aged son could eat it”
“holy shit, our bus convoy had a damn follow-car with a flatbed filled with lunch boxes”
“in five minutes that i’ve been at the kantor, i’ve been offered vodka and asked if i’m still a virgin. good to be back”
“a man just came into the teachers room with a cooler full of what seems to be bags of frozen fish bakso. the teachers jumped on it like wolves on a wounded doe. i think i’ve lost my appetite…”
“just ate a whole gallon zip-lock bag of brownies my mom sent. feeling strangely good about myself…”
“tell that *girl* to get you a snack box…for free”
“i also had some weird dreams, i ended up getting peed on by a cat. then i woke up”
“my niece was snatching her armpit and said ‘hairy’ and i said me too an she was shocked!”
“ready for this…fall into some sawah this morning on a bike. not sure if there’s an explanation. have a good sunday!”
“what do you think of the song title ‘if it’s sarong, why does it feel so right’?”
“cricket chirp. cricket chirp. that’s the sound of your intimidation falling on deaf ears.”
“if i were a rapper or DJ in Indonesia, my name would be Mixter John. what about you?”
“my cp just licked vicks vapor rub off her fingers instead of rubbing it somewhere”
“i’m going to get a shirt printed for expats that just says ‘sudah makan’ or maybe even ‘selalu kenyang'”
“there’s a sign for ‘bakso keju’ i can think of nothing more delicious than cheesy pink bakso”
“I think you might be onto something… tween Javanese rat vampires in love. throw in some ghosts and it’ll be a Indo-hit”
“not sure if you are ready for this one…my ibu is teasing her grandson by trying to breastfeed a doll, had to leave that room”
“new blog name-shit piles and scorpions”
“no, it’s worse than the YouTube one. It’s a song and the chorus is ‘S.M.S. Sahur Makan SoNice’ it makes me want to jackpot my Sahur when I hear it.”
–referring to the new ‘SoNice’ sausage stick commercial. The new commercial is evidently encouraging people who are fasting to eat SoNice sausage as part of their first meal, sahur, before sunrise.
“sorry for leaving you this morning”
–from my counterpart, who was too lazy to walk across the courtyard to tell me to go to our class together.
“…it might be a bit of a challenge to subsist on Nutella and Magnum bars alone…”
–in response to my revelation that I’m getting tired of eating Indonesian food
“so this mornin’ when I went back to sleep I had a dream that I had already started eating a bowl of rice and veggies before I realized I was fasting”
–oh fasting and food dreams
“ibu made home fries, think I’m in love…happy minggu, off to angela’s for a root beer float…sorry <3”
“satu, dua, tiga cek. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that today sucked for us—imitation nutella, copious amounts of jackpot, and Indonesians who should never be given a mic and a wall of speakers”
“there’s nothing better than the smell of burning plastic in the morning”
–true, it’s also sad when you mistake the smell of burning plastic, for bacon…
“hmmm…so is it bad if I am starting to imagine my water filter is a alcohol distillation contraption and I’m filling my water bottle with 100 proof booze?”
“I don’t mean to rain on your indo milk popsicle parade, but I just got a care package today. And it was the best smooshed and melted Reeses ever.”
“little kids are kicking a ball set to a flame where is my camera? How is you be ha”
“so are the shoulder pad batiks part of your uniform or are you just being stylish?”
Idul Fitri conversation with John A…
J: it’s like a strange trick or treating
E: yeah it’s like a combination of every American holiday
J: and part of the 12 step program where you apologize to everyone
E: yeah I mean I guess that’s the part that replaces all of the booze drinking
J: totally wasted on krupuk and roti right now. woooo
E: I am totally going to have a cookie hangover bro
J: shotgun that wafer, dude!
E: totally took a keg stand of es buah can’t promise I will be making any wise decisions tonight…
J: gimme the keys to your sandals. You’re in state to get yourself home
E: …don’t want to get caught under the influence of kerupuk and blood es buah level over the legal limit…
J: sir, have you had any cemilan this evening? No officer, I swear…okay maybe one or two
E: this girl needs some serious cookie intervention
J: …dear Elle, your penchant for cookies is tearing this family apart. We have nothing to go with our milk!
“I love you by proxy, maker of banana ice cream”
“you know you’re popular then. they don’t attempt to trample just anybody here”
“yeah, the grape that wants to be a melon but won’t come out”
–about indo fruit, kelengkang
“oh so last night we were watching tv and my bibi who lives next door walks in the house with a live rooster, haha”
“do you think ____ would find it funny if I asked about organs harvested during service?”
“you’re as cold as ice. I love lil debbie oatmeal cream snacks, and now the rest of my fasting today will be hell as I am tormented by the thought of processed American deliciousness. Our friendship is habis”
“just saw a lady walk by carrying a cat in a baby sling. I’m told it’s because she’s insane”
“are you kidding it was an ibu ibu meeting they hold it to ‘help wives understand their husbands school schedules’ but apparently female teachers also need to understand the male teachers schedules also and I never understand anything”
“gotta love when an XL shirt only barely fits. In Indo, I am a fatty”
“my host mother gets visibly distraught when I wash my own plate…”
From Charlottesville to Indonesia 
Hey there Elle,
I found your blog through your couchsurfing profile. I am now in Mojosari, close to Mojokerto and was looking to meet other people. I’m doing an English teaching internship in a school here. So let me know if you would like to meet, and also if you know any other couchsurfing members!
You get my email through this comment so email me 🙂
PS funny blog!
Hi, I am RPCV, Paraguay, long time ago. My husband and I will be in Manado, Indonesia sometime in July 2013, and I am wondering if you could tell me if there are any PCVs in that area who would like to earn some pin money helping me to photograph markets, agriculture, and cooking? Please let me know via e-mail. Any help you can suggest would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.
Cindy